time and again, i can't resist thinking that i should not be aroused like pawlows dog by the same ..triggers that raised my suicide rate to 100% years ago.
and then i keep thinking and wondering 'am i sick'
being passionate, devoted when have been forced to give
violence.
fear.
repression (thx leo. so hard to find the right words, also in my mother tongue)
resigned
if it is cause i got over it
then why do different kinds of scent, noises, gestures, ..triggers still frighten me half to death
if it is cause i never got over it cause i keep it all locked up in tiny little containers covered with old rusty chains and padlocks.. then i think i can also stop thinking and wondering wether i'm sick or not.
bah.
humbug.